The Masked Slinger – Intrigue, watch out follow Tom Brady in NFL’s 23rd season – Boston Herald
Copernicus was wrong.
The earth does not revolve around the sun.
It revolves around Tom Brady.
Hey, we’re just following the science.
We do not claim a Copernican knowledge of mathematics or astronomy.
But the data is impossible to refute.
The State of The Brady this offseason has consumed more terabytes of server space, more airtime, or totaled more page views than any NFL story not involving alleged criminal activity.
Speculation about Brady’s future dominated the NFL news cycle as soon as he and the Bucs were knocked out of the NFL playoffs (after erasing a 27-3 deficit) by the future Super Bowl champions. , the Rams.
Brady announced on Feb. 1 that he “wasn’t going to make that competitive commitment anymore” when it came to playing football.
The mountains moved. The oceans have risen. Tributes flowed like the Nile.
The Patriots’ omission from Brady’s “farewell” speech sparked a storm of manufactured rage on social media and up and down on the FM dial. Brady would correct the error.
The hangover after Brady’s retirement engulfed all but the final hours of pre-Super Bowl 56 hype. How did Matthew Stafford win a Super Bowl, anyway?
We then heard of a film called “80 For Brady” based on the journey of four senior Patriots fans to see the Patriots win Super Bowl 51. Brady appears in the film produced by his company “199 Productions”.
Brady attended a Manchester United game on March 12, two days before the NFL tampering period. Man U is owned by the Glazer family, owners of the Buccaneers. Speculation led Brady to meet with the Glazers about his future in Tampa Bay. Or elsewhere.
The next day, Brady once again illuminated the solar system. “My place is always on the pitch and not in the stands,” he posted via Instagram. “I’m coming back for my 23rd season in Tampa. We have unfinished business.
In the span of just 40 days, Brady retired, eclipsed the Super Bowl, announced a new movie, and didn’t retire — all without ever using the word “retirement” or any of its derivatives.
For any other seven-time Super Bowl winner, future first-round Pro Football Hall of Famer, greatest quarterback of all time, that would be enough offseason news.
Brady was just getting started.
He returned to the football field with his teammates in June for the mandatory minicamp and for the start of training camp on July 27.
On August 2, the 10,000 Suns Fire immolated Brady as he was officially linked to a tampering scandal that cost the Miami Dolphins a first-round pick and sidelined owner Stephen Ross for 90 days.
Officially, Brady did nothing wrong. Players cannot be penalized for tampering. This is true even though all they did was answer the phone, speak with the Dolphins owner and his official go-between, and try to snook a meeting with then-Miami coach Brian Flores on the yacht. of Ross as if he were a John. Wicked Wicked.
Stop. The. Presses.
And they say print is dead.
Brady had gone from Sonny Corleone to his disloyal brother Fredo. Brady met the Dolphins while still under contract with the Patriots in 2019. He did the same with the Buccaneers in 2021 and 22. Both Fredo and Brady were stepped over by the godfather. The Patriots never gave Brady the two-year, $50 million contract he sought before the 2019 season.
“That’s how Pop wanted it.”
Although Brady didn’t break any NFL rules, he did invalidate any belief that he was all-in in his final season in New England. Roger Goodell got his revenge.
The molten rage running through Patriots Nation has fueled New England’s summer heatwave. Because Brady talked with the dolphins, he now sleeps with the fish.
And for Bradyphobes obsessed with his Deflategate-era balls, or anticipating the fall of Kellerman’s Cliff, that double banter with the Dolphins added to their indictment of his career.
On August 3, Brady turned 45.
There were 104 players on NFL rosters that day yet to be born when Brady was selected with the 199th pick in the 2000 draft.
The Old GOAT then received an official discharge from the Buccaneers for “personal reasons”. No one outside of his immediate circle knew of Brady’s location. We were told everything was fine.
An incredible but why not why not hypothesis has surfaced that Brady was recording episodes of “The Masked Singer”. It made sense in the same way to believe that the earth is flat. The show airs on FOX. Brady joins the NFL’s announcement team on FOX every time he retires for $375 million over 10 years. The dates were synchronized.
He may or may not be on “The Masked Singer” later this month.
After 11 days, “The Masked Slinger” returned to Bucs camp.
“We are live from Tampa…”
Brady started Tampa Bay’s final exhibition game. He showed all the signs of the same QB who led the NFL last season with 5,316 passing yards and 43 TD passes at age 44.
“I’m 45, man. There’s a lot of bullshit going on. You just gotta try to figure life out as best you can. It’s an ongoing process,” Brady said after the game.
He wore a “Brady University Forever” hoodie, sported a Trumpian hue, blown out auburn hair and (according to Twitter) a re-sculpted face.
The following night, Brady was named the NFL’s No. 1 player by his peers. Keep that in mind when ‘insiders’ and ‘experts’ tell you it’s washed.
Finally, Page Six dropped the Big One on Thursday. Camelot II is on the rocks. Marital discord is said to have rocked the Brady/Bündchen household. Gisele took off in Costa Rica, unhappy that Tom wasn’t retired. Did this fuel Brady’s mysterious disappearance?
By the way, Brady begins his 23rd season on Sunday night. Tampa Bay is the consensus pick to win the NFC and the second overall pick to win the Super Bowl, earning +750 at BetMGM.
The playground remains Brady’s safe space
He remains faithfully married to the game.
And we still don’t have enough.
Bill Speros (@RealOBF) can be reached at [email protected]